I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
