We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
50% drunk capacity currently
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
