You really coming over, don't trick.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
