On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
