I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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