youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
