i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
