On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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