We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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