Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
