just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
