Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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