i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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