Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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