If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
