Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
