you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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