So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
