i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I didn't notice because vodka
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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