I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
