It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
