considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
