i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
