My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
