I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm sobbing to NWA
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
