I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
