He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
