His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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