So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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