I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
This house was built for laser tag.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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