you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
