there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
