My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
