they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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