Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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