look no pants
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
