I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I want to be your penis for a week.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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