4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
