I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
