States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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