I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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