I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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