but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
