If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize