the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
