I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
