i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
