how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
