Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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