i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize