everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
