She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
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