don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
