My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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