I didn't shave. On purpose
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I understand Curling. That high.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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