my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
then he tried to convert me to islam
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
