I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
