My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
