Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
