There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
