when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
