i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize