from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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