we made out on top of his cat.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
