I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
