I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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