I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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