I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
