Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
