I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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