do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
