Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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