i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
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