it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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