If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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