Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
